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How to create your own religion? – An Ethiopian guide

February 1, 2014

One of the most enjoyable moments of surfing the Internet is reading the ‘How to’ guides. As if there is a panacea for everything everyone write, blog, and lecture about how to do something, how to get something, how to create/invent something , even how to be something you wish. The list has no end. Among the most funny How to’s that I found  How to make your own vagina, How to become a vampire and How to create your own religion are in the forefront.

Here by, I want to employ an effort on the ‘How to create your own Religion’ stuff, but from the Ethiopian perspective. A simple Googling of tips and steps of creating your own Religion will suggest you different mechanisms and different ways. That is why I decide to blog the Ethiopian version of How to create your own religion. But, that is not the sole reason rather I got an Ethiopian guide of creating your own religion much easier than other general guides, because we have a good precedent of it – The MZ Precedent.

To make your endeavor of creating your own religion easier, I will shorten the steps to a simple 5 steps with image support. (By the way, by photo blogging, I am not implying that adage of ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’)

Here we go! How to create your own religion?

Step one: Creation

In the beginning man create his god! Yeah, Create your own god. Ok, recent statistics suggest 96 % of Ethiopians believe the God of Abraham or they place themselves in one of the three Abrahamic religions – Christianity, Islam or Judaism. Thus when you crate your new Ethiopian religion, you need to have a homemade god. Here is a precedent, call him MZ. But, MZ is not enough thus, Adjectives are very essential.  You can name your god, but, for the adjectives I would quote from the MZ precedent:

ተወርዋሪ ኮከብ፣ ጀግና ፣ ደፋር፣ ህያው፣ ፍቅር፣ የአፍሪካ አለኝታ፣ የዓለም ብርሃን፣ የድሃ መከታ፣ የመሪዎች መሪ፣ እንባ አባሽ፣ የወጣቱ አለኝታ፣ የኢትዮጵያ አይን ብሌን፣ አዋቂ፣ የመጠቀ፣ ታላቅ፣ የህዝቡ አጉራሽ፣ ባለራዕይ፣ ባለዓላማ፣ ታጋይ፣ ክቡር ፣ የረቀቀ፣ ሳይንቲስት፣ ቅን፣ ደግ፣ የልማት ፊትአውራሪ፣ የጦር ሜዳ አናፂ፣ መሀንዲስ፣ ሰላማዊ፣ ዲሞክራሲያዊ፣ ባለብሩህ አዕምሮ፣ እረፍት የለሹ፣ ገበሬው፣ ባለአዝመራው፣ ዘላለማዊ፣ ድንቅ፣ መብረቁ፣ የቁርጥ ቀን ልጅ፣ አልባሽ – አጉራሽ፣ ለጠላቶቹ ሳይቀር ደግ የሚመኝ፣ ባለ ግርማ ሞገስ፣ የማይነቀስ- የማይወቀስ፣ የድህነትን ገዳይ፣ የዲሞክራሲ አዋላጅ፣ ቆራጥ፣ አስተዋይ፣ ምክንያታዊ፣ የቀለም ቀንድ፣ መፅሃፍ ትራሱ፣ እንቅልፍ ለምኔ፣ እረፍት አልባ፣ ሳተና፣ እውነታን ፈላጊ፣ ስትራቴጂ ቀያሽ፣ ሊቀ-ሊቃውንት፣ የሰላም አምባሳደር…

What ever you want! But, take care of plagiarism! Here are some pictorial adjective suggestions:

architect-of-the-ethiopian-renaissance

The Architect!

I Monetary form!

In a monetary form!

The One and the Only!

The One and the Only!

Step Two: Immortalization
God is immortal, thus, your own god to be. Once you create your own god the next step it immortalizing it. You may bombard the mass about how mighty your god is, how your god save the world, especially, Ethiopia from extinction, how s/he conquers her/his enemies. You may invoke ‘Qene’ or a ‘Geerarsa’ like:
‹መለስ ዜናዊ› ታላቅ መስፍን፣
ነበሩ ሲሉ ባገራችን፣
እንዲያ ሳያጡ ሰገነት፣
ምነው አደሩ ፈረስ ቤት፣
ሞከሩት እንጂ አልኖሩም፣
ከዳሞት አልቀሩም፡፡››

Or a Ge’ez ‘Qene’ like:

‹‹ለአዳም ዐባይ ሀበሀገሩ ገነት መለስ አዶናይ፤
በከመሜጦ መቅድም ምስለ ሰራዊት መካልይ፤
ኃበ ብዙኃን ሜጦ ለመናኔ ዓለም ግዕዝ መስፍነ ዓለም ነብይ፡፡››

ትርጉም፡

‹‹አዶናይ መለስ ዓዳም ዐባይን ወደሀገሩ ገነት፤
ከሠራዊቶቼ ጋር አስቀድሞ እንደመለሰው
የዓለም ገዥ ነብይ ዓለምን የናቀግዕዝን ወደ ብዙዎቹ መለሰው፡፡››

Here are some Pictures that help you on your immortalization mission:

1004807_499810016766008_2108523414_n

Ohh, how he cares for the environment?!

564625_451042871642723_635527394_n

A Stalinish Statue!

1231091_659664080712875_838721795_n

A bit like Jesus!

64154_442085852538425_488918759_n

The people’s choice!

image

Father of the Nation!

Step 3: Ubiquity: Big Brother 2.0

Once you anoint the public about your god, don’t forget to make her/him ubiquitous, at least in the arts, in the posters, in the media and the whole life. The mass known for forget things in a speed of light. Hence, your god can be a victim of the myopic public. But, by making her/ him omnipresent you can easily remind the mass about your god. Some helpful Illustrations:

228485_468061146607562_1553898822_n

Praise unto him!

prime-minister

That is a good kind of you!

Meles-at-meskelsquare

Let the children come to me!

images (6)

The Grand designer!

ff

Oh Lord!

Step 4: It is time for Declaration!
Now, your god is already in the public’s memory. Please, declare your religion! You may declare by a presser or in Articles like “I am a born-again believer & my religion is Meles Zenawi” Since, you employ mind control efforts; the public will not be shocked or surprised. That is how public memory works. But, your declarations should be blended with rituals and shrines. Otherwise, how could propels pay homage, worship and pray? You may learn from the following pics:

A boutique shrine!

A boutique shrine!

Touch him, you will be blessed!

Touch him, you will be blessed!

A modern shrine!

A modern shrine!

Ohhh

Ohhh…

Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord!

Step 5: Let the enemies flourish!

Every virtue has a vice! For all the good there is a bad! As darkness is for light. Your god needs to have an opponent. Whatever type, from the fierce to simple one. Please, don’t forget to to have enemies vengeance to your god. They may say:
‹‹ትግራይ› አይደለም ወይ መለስ አገርህ፣
‹አክሱም› አይደለም ወይ መለስ ትውልድህ፣
የጁ ነው በማለት የደበደቡህ፡፡››
Or:

Haters gonna hate!

Haters gonna hate!

Haters may asleep at your gods divine funeral!

Haters may asleep at your god’s divine funeral!

P.S:

Ohh One big thing is here. Scripture. You need to have a book that compile what your god is all about. like:

Quotes are preferable!

Quotes are preferable!

1503293_724644724214810_728127632_n

Something else!

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